Maui

3/31/2010 -- Kitebeach, Maui

Kiter:1 "What is the weather like today?"

Kiter 2:"Windy"

This took place as sand pelted us and plant debris ricocheted off my face. For a brief second, I thought I was unwittingly part of the Carnival Football toss game after the balls were rolled in a sand pit and I was the ring. Looking around, I noticed we were all invited and Mother Nature had a stack of quarters lined up. This game wasn't ending anytime soon. Exciting, she must have thought, that guy is running for the car, time to lob a coconut shell at his head. Oh, a skirt, lets see if she is wearing undies. One speed ball with an updraft coming right up. Oh my, no sunglasses on that guy, here comes a curve ball to kick up extra sand. Good sense of humor she has. At least she thinks so.

But, you see, I was never very good at Carnivals games and this was dredging up deep seated issues .Remember going to the fair and watching people walk past with an armload of stuffed animals.while carting a giant one on their shoulders? That wasn't me. Ever. I too wanted a gigantic pink flamingo or beautiful brown teddy bear. They sure looked soft. Oh, I remember marveling at the lovely objects suspended from the various ceilings and I often wondered what game would be my lucky one. The ring a bottle? Bead bag toss? Ball and Basket? Or how about the Milk Bottle?. The only prize I won was from the "Weight Guessing Both". Being a pudgy youngster, they always went low to spare my feelings. I think I received a stick of gum. Just what a pudgy kid needs, more sugar.

So you see, we couldn't stick around for too long yesterday. I had issues.

But in case you are curious, want to see what a 50+mph gust looks like?

It hurt to stand on the beach and I swear, I could hear a faint maniacal laugh in the air.

3/30/2010 -- Maui, HI

Time keeps marching forward. Our stay on Maui is over the two-thirds mark and our exit day doesn't feel so very far away anymore. We decided upon two date nights this week. Nothing slows time down more than a hangover, right? Right! I like how I answer my own question. I was feeling a Mai Tai urge and decided upon one of our regular joints. Last time we paid a visit, we surmised our favorite waitress Myrtle, might be in the family way. I always believe in waiting to see feet before asking, so I kept the question in my head and out of my mouth which is amazing considering I had been drinking Mai Tai's.This trip, we were greeted by a new currently unfamiliar waitress, and we asked about our favorite server. She replied, "she is pregnant". Just as we suspected and it didn't take any stealth like skills on our part to get this information. First thing out of her mouth. And while we were sad not to see Myrtle, our new stewardess was super smiley and super friendly and she had no trouble bringing us yummy Mai Tai's. A drink or two might have arrived sans decoration because the floor stole the yummy pineapple, orange, cherry stabbed with an umbrella concoction Evil Floor. Always stealing drink decorations and tripping people up hoping to get their beverage from them. They know how to appear flat and boom, rise up right when you walk over it. Next time you find yourself flat on your back, remember it was the floor being sneaky and not a deficit on your end. If you are still holding your beverage upright you won. Our waitress won the war. The floor might have gotten the fruit, but we got the drinks.

3/28/2010 -- Maui, HI

Desperate times call for desperate measures. My kiting had reached a plateau, flat line, if it was my head, you could easily balance a stack of books on it, a bundle of sticks, groceries, dishes. My kiting would fit right into Western Africa's culture. Look mom, no hands. Straight as an arrow. Quite the opposite of men's figure skater Johnny Weir. Anyway, John, not Johnny, has offered advise, but ahhhh, you know how that goes. I think there is a limit to how much help one person desires from their loved one and once that threshold is reached, red alert sirens blare in the brain and an automatic shutdown flips a mute button in one's ears. What makes that happen anyway? Friends of ours, who shall remain nameless, are famous for "helping" each other out. The wife is a such a redecorating fanatic, the paint store thought her profession was interior designer. One night, as her husband hung some curtains yet again under her watchful eye, they needed to be even, he panted "Why. Must. You. Always. Torture. Me?" as he drilled in each screw with sweat dripping down his forehead. They really do need their own reality show. But, to be honest, not all instruction is futile. For example, you can point out a stop sign to me twice and the first time I may think sarcastically to myself (or out loud), I seeeeee it and the second time the expression in my head might be more along the lines of "Oh crap" while stomping on the brake. I am sure that elderly lady in the wheelchair wanted a better view of the jeep's grill. Just helping out. But it never feels like it goes back to zero or bottoms out. Quite the opposite of my kiting. However, I will gladly seek such instruction from someone else's spouse. I guess since we are starting at the ground floor, it can take time before you feel the tap, tap, tap on the "zip your pie hole" button. And if that person is not only experienced with the endeavor in question, but a teacher with expertise in detailing steps others might consider obvious, because you shouldn't consider anything obvious with me, then boom, we have a winning situation.

Yesterday, I attend the Ladies Day hosted by Action Sport Maui. I busted free of the plateau literally and figuratively. After following some detailed instructions on how to hold the bar and how to move my board, I remained aloft the longest ever. All within 5-minutes of being on the water. To say I was elated was the understatement of the day. If I keep this up, I might be performing a triple lutz on the water.

3/28/2010 -- Maui, HI We come to Maui for a few reasons. To be kite, to be warm, to kite... Have I mentioned kiting yet? We are akin to two heroin addicts looking for our next fix. Does iwindsurf.com, kitebeachcam.com or windguru suggest wind is on the way? How about outside? Do we see any outside with our own two eyes? Should we look across the street? Maybe it looks better there. No? Dang. Friends want to hike with us Sunday, but what if it is windy? Slowly, as we ease out of winter and spring into the windier time of the year, I feel myself easing up. The forecast shows wind every day in the foreseeable future, maybe we should make those hiking plans. We can't kite every day. Can we? So, today we made plans for next Sunday to go hiking and I am thinking to myself, "what if it is windy?"

bike

3/26/2010 - Maui, HI

As Dorothy said, "Toto, I've a feeling we aren't in Kansas anymore". Crossing the Pilani Highway and heading north into the old Sugar Cane fields, I felt like I was bike riding on Mars. We caught wind of these trails from a local mountain biker John recently met. I wanted to get back in the saddle and check them out. Mountain biking will always hold a special place in my heart, because it brought John and I together. Kind of. We originally met at an outdoor concert where we learned of our mutual interest. (I mentioned this Feb. 20 and my lack of appreciation for his Hawaiian shirt). Plans to bike ride two days later were made and the morning went off smoothly. I thought. A week later I was very surprised not to receive a call from him. I know I am a slow biker, but still. Sheesh! 4-months later, I was again surprised, because he did call. 4-months??? I was not impressed. At. All. It turns out he had seen me on the trail and realized he made an error not pursuing me. Naturally, I agreed. As my phone number was long lost, he needed to track down a friend of mine that he knew. He found her perched on a bar stool, surrounded by men. After pushing through the testosterone fueled group, he got my number. I was a bit more hesitant this time, but obviously things worked out.

Later, I called Patty and said, "You won't believe who called me." She replied, "I meant to tell you I saw him and he asked for your number. He was wearing an ugly, purple shirt." Now, in hindsight, I realize I should have replied, "because he isn't married....yet"..

So, once again, we hit the trail. A bit different from the East Coast. Wide open space and red dirt stretched for miles around us.

But it all started with a hole in the fence. It seems all good trails start with a hole in the fence. You just need to find it.

And what I always need is a good visor. I am digging my $6 Wal-Mart find and all the comical ganders it attracts. Maybe I should keep my fashion advise to myself.

It would not seem like Maui without an abandoned vehicle to explore.. briefly explore that is, because it is Mai Tai Friday and we earned a treat.